Massacre at new Ispog 3D cinema
Last night cinema goers attending the opening of the new 3D cinema in Ispog last night, were subjected to realistic scenes of violence and real, bloody death last night. For many of them it wasn't until they removed their 3d spectacles that they realised that either the scenes were in fact real, or that they were dead. Ten minutes into the film, titled "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", a special úD edition of the modern masterpiece of cinematic presentation about a small boy living in contemporary China who overcomes his people's traditions and restrictions to become king of England, a maniac burst through the screen with a chainsaw screaming "Die ignorant mutherfuckers! Die!".
However, the audience believing this was just a visual effect, sat there in oblivious amazement as the man ran through the rows of seat, maiming and killing at random.
"At first I thought it was amazing", reported Cinema-goer Paul Groovy, "And although I did start to wonder how they did it when my wife's head was sawn off, spraying blood over the row in front of us, it wasn't until he cut of my own left arm that I realised what was going on."
The cinema manager, George Projector, was unavailable for content, but released a statement stating that the 3D method of cinematography would be reviewed, and not used again until they were sure it was safe.
Jim Kidney-Stone, the fucking crazy bastard who murdered two of my family and three of my closest friends, the fucker, has been taken into custody. Policemen entered the cinema as he was half way through his rampage. After five minutes the police realised they weren't wearing 3D Specs, and the scene was probably real, and so arrested him.