"Odd." "Strange." "Off his bloody
trolley." All words frequently spoken about David. In this
ground-breaking piece of potentially award-winning investigative
journalism, we look at the man behind the flatulence; we examine
his work, his life, his notoriously horrible 'beard.'
In a world-first, we publish his anagrams which have achieved inter-Gopsian renown, to give you the reader an insight into this precocious talent of the early twenty first century. We present also examples of his little-known skill for constructing words and even messages in the strict constraints of those letters provided by the symbols of elements in the periodic table. This new art-form does indeed encapsulate the spirit of the age in a precise, haiku-like succinctness. There is an understated, yet all pervasive drama within his verse conveying the struggle and angst of a generation without a name or motive. Like the snap-snap of an irreverant camera he exposes in an instant the hypocrisy and aimless ambition of a society retching over the begrimed lavatory-bowl of humanity. Thick with the unspoken irony of a sarcastic eunuch, he peels the leathery skin of human inhibition away from the stop-start stop-start rat-race of decadent society. Take, for example, the amazing "Moses," which meets the demands of his exacting style, while conveying the transient apocalyptic experiences of the prophet through a jagged 4-9-3-11 syllable pattern at the same time as casting very real and sinister aspersions in a wraith-like shadow over the calm self-security of neo-capitalist Briatin.
Recent critics have acclaimed the piece as "A masterspiece..." and "...really very good." However, it should be noted that comment has not been unequivocal, with the notorious poet causing mixed reactions in artistic circles. Such, one might argue, is the price of genius; but it is a price that only an artist of the calibre of the diminutive "Shattles" (as he is known to his friends) can bear with ease and good grace. A hero of our times!
Italian Musical Terms for the Hungary
celere - celery (quick, nimble)
tosto - toast (rapid)
meno - menu (less)
lento - lent, when you should eat even less (slow)
grave - grave, where you go if you don't eat (solemn)
Very very very bad Organic Chemistry puns / Going to the pub
"Do you want to go to that pub later?"
"Well, A-mide, but I'm not too sure."
"Give me a proper answer, A-mine, it's ether yes or no."
"Sorry, what did you say?"
"A-cid, give me a proper answer."
"Oh, I don't know"
"In the late evening and nit(rile)s they have live music there! Es-Terrific(ation)"
"Oh, never mind, but you'll miss all the alcohol!"
Why do Bananas start green and then turn yellow?
Because "BANANA" is composed of the elements Barium and Sodium. Sodium occurs twice and so the fruit is mostly yellow but the green start is provided by the Barium which burns with a green flame.
Moses, according to the periodic table of the elements
FOUNd In RuSHeS
ThAt BUSH BURnS, HeAr ThAt VOICe In ThAt BUSH
No SLaVErY ONCe ThRu' Re'D' Se'A', In NeW LaNd